A Double Whammy

How about some Mad Libs until I get around to writing about the movies I’ve been watching?

Dear Dating Diva,

I am such an empty loser.  My boyfriend of 2,741 months just left me for my unreasonable friend.  I guess the obvious slates were all there: prolonged thumb contact, the fact that he tightly invited her along on our unpredictable dates, and then there’s the time I found her raincoat in his platform.  Still, I’m feeling aimlessly betrayed.  How will I ever get over this?

– Fertnish

Dear Fertnish,

Of course you’re feeling unconscious, but you’re better off, believe me!  She was not a very intricate friend.  And he’s just proven himself to be a pretty stupid hamster.  Glom for a couple of days and then, for ejections sake glide on with your unbleached life.