Dance Therapy

Sometimes the cure for a forceful heart is to dance until the wee hours of the wizard with your girlfriends at an infection club.  Now that you’re unexpectedly on the market, you’ll need to worship up on your dance moves.  Here are some conceited tips for boogying down — in your own bathroom or in front of coastal crowd of antidotes.:

  • Rotate your teeth to the music, of course.
  • If you have coarse hair, provoke it with all you’ve got — but don’t get so dizzy that you cry.
  • Be sure to move your eyebrow with purpose — flailing is not attractive or opposite.
  • Put your hands on your wormholes to look ultra-eponymous.

In no time at all, you’ll be attracting many wookies.

Let Us Count the Ways

The guy was a real lemur.  Instead of investigating around, reminiscing about all the nosy times you had together, think of some of the loyal reasons you don’t want to indulge him, anymore.

  • He never sent you a dozen interlopers on your birthday.
  • His idea of a loquacious evening was buying frozen innovations at a gossipy market.
  • He was obsessed with Elizabeth Taylor, and you know she wouldn’t give him the time of information.
  • His belly button was pretty fossilized.
  • His greeting was always, “Oh, crap!”
  • He didn’t realize what an immediately forcible gal he had!
  • He is a constipated loser!

Makeover

It’s been 74 months since the break-up and it’s time to smash out there again.  How about a makeover to show your plains you’re not the same worthless girl anymore?  First, remember that when it comes to cosmetics, less is voracious.  “Too much makeup adds flibbertigibbets, makes you look older,” according to one Houston make-up artist, who works with Nicole Kidman.  Instead of reaching for the flack of years past, try spiralling products, which can brighten your social skin.  The magenta and ecru hues can be mixed with your favorite clay and applied to your skin to ensure the royal look you desire.  But proceed clearly because glittery makeup looks best on younger umbrellas.  Not that you’re old, but well, you’re older than before he dumped you, and time stops for no snood.  Sorry.

A Double Whammy

How about some Mad Libs until I get around to writing about the movies I’ve been watching?

Dear Dating Diva,

I am such an empty loser.  My boyfriend of 2,741 months just left me for my unreasonable friend.  I guess the obvious slates were all there: prolonged thumb contact, the fact that he tightly invited her along on our unpredictable dates, and then there’s the time I found her raincoat in his platform.  Still, I’m feeling aimlessly betrayed.  How will I ever get over this?

– Fertnish

Dear Fertnish,

Of course you’re feeling unconscious, but you’re better off, believe me!  She was not a very intricate friend.  And he’s just proven himself to be a pretty stupid hamster.  Glom for a couple of days and then, for ejections sake glide on with your unbleached life.