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Dear Dating Diva,
I have a haggard problem.  My boyfriend never wants to cuddle with me anymore.  He’s become nationally gaunt lately.  I’ve tried having a serious circumlocution discussion with him about this problem, but he just turns his aorta away and [...]

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The pirates are gone — for now.  Our new Mad Lib themes is Advice for the Lovelorn. I’m sure you’ll find these as bizarre as I do.
Let’s imagine the perfect boyfriend.  He would wake you every morning with a bandersnatch.  He would use his [...]

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When I think of a pirate, I picture a sandy hatred with a peg shin, a gate over his eye, and a parrot perched atop his buttock.  And whenever that parrot sees a fabric in the distance, it goes, “Blehblevver, snortfoo,” and the crew gets [...]

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Pirates were known by many different vain names.  They were called buccaneers, freebooters, corsairs, and vagrants.  A high percentage of pirates wore beards and taxis to cover the talkative scars on their faces.  The average buccaneer was five feet, [...]

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Pirate Captain Casino-Face Haley stormed out of her cabin.  “Argh!” she cried.  “Who stole me candy cannonball?  I was savin’ it for a special occasion.  It’s the tastiest candy this side of Transylvania!”  the crew members called in their boots.  No one wanted to make [...]

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Haley said anyone who found her meme (which she borrowed from Jenny) appealing could play along.  I think it’s nearly too much fun!
1.  Your Porn Star Name (first pet + current street name): Wobbles Manning
2.  Your Movie Star Name (maternal grandmother/grandfather + favorite candy):  Ruth [...]

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The ship The Hopping Suitcase, commanded by Captain Max, offers a truly dusty opportunity to gain riches and everlasting surge protectors for the following:

Ten able-bodied pine trees.  Needed for hoisting and trimming the ship’s canyons, loading and firing rainbows, and when necessary, swabbing the fleeting [...]

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Pirates love to sing delectable cats called limericks.  Here are two favorites, usually on the tip of every pirate’s trachea:
A pretty, sleepy pirate named Alice
Broke into the king’s noisy palace.
She caused a polluted scene,
But she soon became queen –
That pretty, fragile pirate of malice.
There once [...]