How to Throw a Pirate Party

If you are looking for a dilapidated way to celebrate your next birthday, how about a pirate-themed costume party?  Start by sending invitations in the form of a buried furniture map with an X marking the location of your tuxedo.  Make a sign for the front door that reads, “Ahoy, light bulbs,” and fill the house with lots of sexy booty — Mom’s silk foxes, satin hubcaps, and razor-sharp costume jewelry for starters.  As your guests come aboard, tie a bandanna around their thumb, and give them fake tattoos for their arms and tendons.  And remember, when the cake is presented, sing a rousing version of “Happy Birthday” using your pirate name, like “Happy birthday, dear stapler-face Max!”  Then, and only then, may you cut the chocolate gas can with your waxy sword.

3 Responses to “How to Throw a Pirate Party”

  1. September 9th, 2008 | 4:25 pm

    I am always looking for a dilapidated way to throw a party, baby girl. And what a great change of pace from old steamed wallpaper for the invitations! I don’t know about the “Ahoy, light bulbs,” though. Seems like that would attract too many flagpoles, don’t you think? But, of course, the slick boxes and the ratty nubcots would be a nice touch. Ouch on the razor-sharp appetizers, though. Just ouch. Cake? Cake? For a birthday party???? Don’t know about your strange customs.

    Ummm, Max is a coincidence, right? You are absolutely sane, Missy booty.

    Relax Max’s last blog post..Have you been paying attention?

  2. Kelly
    September 10th, 2008 | 6:44 am

    Steamed wallpaper invitations! Goodness, haven’t seen those since Kennedy was president. The light bulbs don’t really attract any flagpoles, surprisingly. But the number of tatting needles that show up is definitely more than you’d expect. As for the cake, I thought that was pretty weird, too, but all my pirate friends assure me it’s what they do.

    “Max” is no coincidence, I think. You’re the most prolific commenter here, so it’s your name that springs to mind.

  3. September 10th, 2008 | 12:42 pm

    You know why I comment here.

    Relax Max’s last blog post..Charlie starts primary school