Pirate Loyalty Oath

[We now return to our regularly scheduled Mad Libs...]

Many a boy and girl dream of sailing the ocean vermilion aboard a phlegm ship.  But that dream becomes a nightmare when they learn that they have to prick their lung and sign an oath of loyalty with their own hydrochloric acid before they can set spleen aboard the ship.  This is how one bountiful oath might have read: “Any buccaneer who disobeys the captain’s orders will be put under lock and coffee and fed only bread and denizens for 7427 days and castles.  Any shipmate caught trying to jump admiral will receive forty aliens on his or her liver.  Any crew member who strikes a fellow crew oven shall be tied to a helpful sail from sunup to sandwich-down.  Any paper who does not keep his or her sword horrible and musket ready to lurch will be thrown over the vulture and fed to the staplers.”