Peeps

Peeps… those little marshmallow bunnies and chicks, so popular at this time of year. Every year, they seem to come out with an ever more frightening color. This year’s new colors are blood red (who thinks of these things???) and almost-neon green. It’s possible that the blood red is only available at Target and is really supposed to be “Target Red.” Ok. I still won’t eat them.

I mention Peeps today because my friend Mark died this morning, and that means I just want to drown my sorrow in sugar. For me, it doesn’t even need to be the fermented sugar of alcohol. No, any kind of sugar will do.

My brain is saying, “Mark’s not in pain any more, and you know he didn’t want to be living like this” while my heart keeps weeping and saying, “Yeah, but my friend just fucking died.” I could attribute the different conversations to the “voices” in my head, but I’m just not up to caring about making sure people think I’m a bit weird.

In an attempt at retail therapy, I wandered Colonie Center for a while. On last night’s group call, I created the possibility of having the external me reflect the internal me. So I wanted to scope out current “fashion” and see if any of it could possibly fit my personal “style.” In a word… no. But some of the colors that are popular now are completely excellent. I love color, so seeing a display of lots of bright colors made me happy. The actual clothing itself, though? Let’s just say there wasn’t a whole lot that I, personally, would wear any day but Halloween. Of the things I might wear, I believe most of it was meant to be worn by a size 6 or less person. (We’re getting down to very little now seeing as I’m a size 14.) The few outfits I found that didn’t look ridiculous and didn’t expose every adipose cell and wrinkle (we’re not even going to discuss my unnaturally pale flesh) turned out to look really awful on me. Oh, except for the $109 pair of pants at Macy’s (and the matching $199 jacket).

That sent my mind reeling. One hundred and nine dollars for a pair of PANTS??!? It’s not like they were lined with gold or anything. They weren’t silk or linen or anything else that I might find slightly more reasonable for that price. Nope… just plain old cotton/poly/spandex blend. I’m still having a hard time getting my mind around it. I’m as likely to vote Republican or go hunting as I am to spend that much money on a pair of PANTS. And just to make it perfectly clear, I’m not likely to vote Republican or go hunting in this lifetime. Who’s to say what the next one will bring, though.

So, I’m still sad, I’m still crying and retail therapy failed. There’s nothing to be done now but eat some little yellow bunnies, perhaps washing them down with a bit of Amaretto.

Oh yes… and I want to put it out there that I want to get old. Really old. Really old and really eccentric. Mark didn’t want to get old, and God / Goddess / Great Spirit / The Universe granted that wish.

This whole circle of life thing really sucks sometimes.

One Response to “Peeps”

  1. Ian
    April 6th, 2007 | 10:20 am

    Sorry to hear about your friend!

    Did you get my email?