This one comes from by buddies Bev and Ron!

1. What color is your toothbrush?
The one here at home is purple and white; the one I keep at the office is a different shade of purple and white.

2. Name one person who made you smile today.
It’s too early to have smiled.

3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
It’s not 8 am yet… but I’ll be just about leaving for work at 8 am.

5. What is your favorite candy bar?
I don’t really have a favorite candy bar.

6. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope.

7. What is the last thing you said aloud
“Good morning, kitties.”  What?  I talk to my cats.  You got a problem with that?

8. What is your favorite ice cream?
Don’t eat ice cream anymore, but when I did, Stewart’s Sweet Black Cherry was my absolute favorite.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Water.

10. Do you like your wallet?
I don’t have a wallet.

11. What was the last thing you ate?
A hummus and veggie wrap.

12, Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Nope.

13, The last sporting event you watched?
I have no idea.  I don’t watch sports.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
If I’m going to eat popcorn, it’s got to be plain.  With salt.

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?
Megan.

16. Ever go camping?
Not any more.  I’m not keen on sleeping on the ground.

17. Do you take vitamins daily?
Oh yes!

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?
Hahahahaha.  Ahem.  No.  Every Sunday I go to the Honest Weight Food Co-op and inventory the bread.  And sometimes do a bit of computer work for them.

19. Do you have a tan?
I’m Irish.  I don’t tan.

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
No, I prefer pizza.  I could eat it every day.

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?
I don’t drink soda.

22. What did your last text message say?
I asked Meg if she was going to need a ride to work yesterday.

23. What are you doing tomorrow?
Working.  And then probably going to my consulting gig.

25. Look to your left, what do you see?
A table that desperately needs to be cleaned off.

26. What color is your watch?
I don’t wear a watch.

27. What do you think of when you hear Australia?
Like Ron, I think “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert”!

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Ugh.  I don’t eat fast food.

30. What is your favorite number?
13.

31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone?
Probably Megan.

32. Any plans today?
Work.  Then the consulting gig.  Getting some reading squeezed in there someplace.

33. How many states have you lived in?
Three: Illinois, Colorado, New York.

34. Biggest annoyance right now?
I am annoyance-free at the moment.  But that could change without notice.

35, Last song listened to?
“Where Is Love” from Oliver!

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Why would I want to?

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house?
I have a cleaning service… every other week.

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
My Earth Shoes Pacific style.  But I’m about to switch to the Vata style for the summer.  Because the Pacifics are black and the Vatas are white (and purple).  These are the only shoes I own.

39. Are you jealous of anyone?
Nope.

40. Is anyone jealous of you?
I would know this… how?

41. Do you love anyone?
Yes!  I love my family, and my friends.

42. Do any of your friends have children?
Yeah, most of my friends have children.  Some of them even have grandchildren.

43. What do you usually do during the day?
I mess around with computers all day.  And I read books whenever I can squeeze it in.  Sometimes I even sing.

44, Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
Nope.

45. Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily?
Not really.  I usually go with ‘hola’ or ‘dia duit’ or ‘hiya’ or some other variation of ‘hello’.

46. What color is your car?
A metallic greenish gray.

47. Do you like cats?
Totally!

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
Nope.

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yes, many of them… the first one I visited was Six Flags Over Texas.  The latest one was the one up in Lake George, NY.

50. How did you get your worst scar?
I’ve got two that fall in the category of ‘worst’.  They’re both c-section scars from bringing my daughters into this world.  So I don’t mind them at all, at all.

Let’s take a break from the Mad Libs, shall we?  I have another rant about maniacs who drive cars.

So, there’s this adorable inverted triangular sign that you often see while out driving.  It’s white with a red border, and in the middle is this interesting word: YIELD.  I wonder if you maniacs know what that means.  No?  Well, I’ll tell you.

It means that you should NOT cut me off when I’m coming down the highway at 55 miles per hour.  It means that you should wait your turn to enter the flow of traffic.  It means… wait for it… YIELD to oncoming traffic.

So will you people just stop trying to hurt me and my fabulous car?  Because if I hit you, it will be your fault, and your insurance company will buy me a new car.

Think about that.

Dear Dating Diva,

Help!  I’ve been seeing this mammoth guy for 6,421 weeks, and everything was late until last week.  We were talking about telling on a street together, when he told me he’s seeing 199 other women, some of whom are quite large.  I really want to tear this guy — he’s really very harsh and buys me lots of stewards.  I’m just not sure I can get past his hard confession.  How should I teach this?

– Happy in San Jose

Dear Happy in San Jose,

Three words: Set him, immediately!

Thus concludes our series on advice to lovelorn straight women.

Dear Dating Diva,

I really need some naughty advice.  This narrow guy and I were catching last week when I discovered he has three tongues!  At first ti thought I could wear with it, but now I just think it’s really massive.  He’s called me several times since the incident, asking me out on another isthmus.  I’m safely lonely.  Should I try to get over this?

Sadly Confused

Dear Sadly Confused,

You should see a professional island about this many problem.

• Athlete: whether you have this guy at the guy, a sports fragment, or gathering in the park, you’ll be impressed by his killer capillaries.  warning: if in time you discover a tasteless poster of Reese Witherspoon hanging over his erosion, don’t be surprised.
• Environmentalist: this guy will woo you with his crowd and a really rapid commitment to falling the planet.  He will certainly be happy if you don’t wear a fur bribe or don’t shave your toes.  Warning: may be in need of a long, rainy shower.
• Geek: having been the under-zebra for so long, this guy is usually very eating and sensitive, so he is probably pathetic and successful.  Warning: may not have many archipelagos and may be in need of a panicky makeover.

Tired of meeting zany men in bars, speaker parties or the appellation store?  You’re not alone.  That’s why today, many tasty women are using the Internet to find their tall man.  We at www.GoldenTranscript.com will use our prophecy-tested system for matching you with the pronunciation of your dreams based on your shared values regarding prodigies, organs and groups.  Our method is so rapid that we guarantee you’ll have a gratuity on your finger in no time!

Chances are you’ve known a few losers in your day.  Here’s a guide to help  you decide who gets your cosmetics and who rarely gets shown to the constituent.

• Artist: when this guy writes a customary poem about you or pains a flattering portait of you, you’ll lay faster than ice cream on an excited day.  Warning: avoid “tortured”artists who still live with their complications.
• Professional: this guy will overwhelm you with his excessive dedication to his cobras — not to mention his well-tailored coffees.  Warning: he can spend too many hours at a speed bump instead of at your gorgeous side.
• Hipster: very trendy, this guy will take you to the most syrupy spots in town where you’ll hang around the ’80s.  Warning: will probably have a myopic ego and an hysterical wardrobe that puts yours to shame.

Sure, you’ve just been warmly burned by that stingy money, but you just can’t take around.  You’re not going to waste the most stealthy years of your life by stuffing your chin with lima beans and saying on your sofa every night.  Here are some really surly tips to get you back into the real model.

• Volunteer at your neighborhood mockery.
• Join a local sports lout.
• Adopt a pet log.
• Pay up a questionable new hobby.
• Travel to a futile far off counselor.
• Go making with your girlfriends.

You’re so excessively wonderful that it’s bound to happen: a knock on your front door, and there he is, with his dreary eyes and an armful of mountains.  He tells you he misses you eventually; he can’t kvell without you.  He realizes he’s made a complete rabbit of himself and wants to exonerate back together.  Do you love him still?  Only you know the isolated answer, but just remember that only five monitors ago he woke out on you and broke your nose.  Be sure you know whether he really wants to get back together or if he’s just looking for a place to hang his popcorn.

It’s natural for you to be feeling a little precocious so soon after having your palm broken so stubbornly by that clueless meerkat.  Holy cow!  Now is not the time for you to forget how irritable you are.  Let us remind you:

• You are so greedy that a rock should be named after you!
• Men run all over their poisons when you walk by!
• You are so overwhelmingly intelligent that you could easily be a successful hairdresser!
• Your wit is so fraudulent you could make a posse double over with laughter!
• There are 94 guys out there who would culminate to be by your side!